Two bodies of work by Kong presented side by side

“It’s still Dark, but sometimes I see the Stars”

For the past 10 years, I’ve asked myself, what is the point for being alive if I cannot feel the joy — if I don’t even want to exist?

“Living with depression” — it’s like there is a tall, thick wall built in front of my heart, and nothing can pass through. Sunlight, happiness, and hopes are blocked out. Darkness, dread, and desperation are locked in. It’s like living in a Black Hole, and I don’t know how long I still need to stay.

At times, I begin to see the stars. Even though there are not many, and they are so tiny, they are bright and stunning, right there, shining on me. You, each one of you, are the stars in my firmament, are the stars that keep me alive.

“You can’t walk this earth forever. Someday you will have to fly”

For more than 10 years, I have been suffering from depression. It has caused me to think about life’s meaning. My feelings about death are paradoxical — I dread to think about the demise of people I love, but I feel indifferent and apathetic about my own.

In 2018, my Australian mother, for whom I felt a deep affection, passed away due to brain cancer. This was the first time I witnessed the death of someone I knew, and I experienced a profound depth of grief. I encountered uncertainty about my significance in the larger scheme of the universe. My understanding of such concepts and beliefs about my meaning in life were challenged.

I encountered a sentiment a few days after she passed away — ’You can’t walk this earth forever; someday you will have to fly’. This is what she used to tell her sons when they were kids. Somehow these words consoled me, and have accompanied me since. Her words inspire me not to be obsessed with the state of living and to accept the mortality as part of life.

@starrykong

https://www.starrykong.com